Mess

I act like everything is fine. I laugh at people's jokes, I do silly thing with my friends and I act like I have a carefree life. It's funny through. When I come back home, I just turn off that mental switch. Then suddenly I break down. I feel alone, empty, tired. I can't exactly describe how I feel into words. It's like I have 2 different me's. One for the public, and one for myself. Only if they knew. Only if. Big girl don't cry even though hurt.
Insecure for everything. Scare to lose so hold it tight. Parting really killing me. People I cared so much leave me without a word. That's the reason I stand far from people, quiet in the crowd. Live in my little social circle, people cant go in and I cant go out. Sometimes, love you giving out can't definitely get back. You don't even know who are the one will cheat you, betray you,  hurt you, and you're heartbroken again and again. But there is no one you can blame. 
Everything seem turn into mess. Someone please pull me out of this mess :\